4月1号要到了。我的心情很乱，很烦。这次的检查又会是什么？我真的好累了。最近身体很不好。。。突然头会痛，手又痛，身体有些部分会觉得痒跟肿。。。嘴唇都会痒和肿。难道我活不到今年了吗？难道我时间要到了。。。。我真的好害怕。 我好害怕医生告诉我，我还能活多两个礼拜而已。。。 我真的好不舍得现在我拥有的东西。 我不舍得我的朋友们，我的父母，弟弟，我爱的人。。。 和爱我的人。。。 难道我真的要离开他们了吗？ 天啊！你可不可以告诉我，我到底发生什么事呢？不要在折磨我了。。。我快受不了了。。。

Guardian angel....on 21st March

Today someone told me that she/he wants to be my guardian angel.... to be with me when i'm lonely, to be with me when i'm not happy, to be with me when i feel scared, to be with me when i'm being bully and will protect me. who told me this??? 不能说的秘密. At that moment I feel touch... and then, I've realize that God have sent me 2 angels for years edy... Guess who is my angel???

心语-何以奇

heart 轻易被你虏获

让你主宰我的快乐

不知该向你要求什么

只觉该信任什么

heart 一爱就很忐忑

常会超出我的负荷

或许该清楚表达什么

还是我该勇敢些什么

love in my heart

要付什么代价

oh love in my heart

怎么分辨真假

oh love in my heart

你说的话会真的实现吗

凭一颗心绑住永远

凭爱的深赌上一次青春

我们都太嫩

经不起风吹皱灵魂

靠你的心短暂难稳

一秒一份像梦一般透明

抓紧我的心

说你爱我要有决心

凭一颗心绑住永远

凭爱的深赌上一次青春

我们都太嫩

经不起风吹皱灵魂

靠你的心短暂难稳

一秒一份像梦一般透明

抓紧我的心

说你爱我要有决心

heart 曾经如此寂寞

直到被你投下石头

从此发现幸福的背后

那个石头陪我预言终末

I love this song recently. The lyrics its very meaningful. This song came from a drama 天使之翼。

Earth hour With JL

Just back from botanic garden with JL. Both of us sitting on the flour, lighting those candles and talking bout our pains in heart... I really can feel her pain and I wish to protect her... I really wish that she will leave those pains behind and start with a new life with full of joy and happiness...

She told me that after reading my blog last night, she knew its time for her to disappear from YM's life. Although she likes him a lot... but she knew that she is not YM's cup of tea coz she will definitely won't step into marriage life. So she said she need the courage to leave him... disappear and will become MIA forever... I really don't know whether she has made a right or wrong decision... but anyhow I will still support her.... Most importantly, she won;t disappear from my life.... I still need her thou....

Look have we done to this earth???

Having a bad day today.... My mum invited a fengshui master to view the house and the conclusion was "DON'T STAY AT THIS HOUSE... IT MIGHT HAVE 血光之灾” My dad paid RM 40k for down payment. And now the conclusion is don't stay...

I knew my dad is very unhappy and heartache. It's very difficult to get my dad to buy this house and after he bought it, he ended up losing money and still staying in his old house. I really can't understand my mum. Why can't she appreciate the house? Why she can't quietly move in? She is a Christian... Why she need to be so superstitious? Now everyone feels so disappointed but I think she don't feel anything.... Quite disappointed with her thou....

Due to my blog, JL posted 大家都把我归类成“坏女人”。我没有想要伤害任何人的。如果这样让我变成了罪人，那么，我只好消失了。这样总算可以给大家一个交待了吧。。on her FB... At that I was with my bunch of colleagues. I didn't realize that I've actually hurting someone in my blog. Here I'm happily chatting with my friends and there's someone who is feeling sad coz of me. I really feel bad and don't know how to amend my mistake... JL, millions of apologies from me... I'm sorry.... I know that I've hurt you.... Sorry... Don't make any silly decision coz of what I've blog... Follow your feelings... Follow your inspiration... Or else you will regret.... in future.....

Just back from gathering with TN ex colleagues... Ivan is leaving us soon... Got a new job at Citibank as Credit Control Officer. We went to Kajang for dinner and supper... On the way there we was joking and chat a lot... He told me that if a plane flies above you... just pick it and eat it... When you eat 100 of planes then make a wish and the wish will come true... Do u think is true? Maybe I will give it a try... will let u know whether is true or not....

Later on when we on our back, we started to recall our past... How we start talking to each other and when we start to be best buddy..He told me that when he first join TN, I was so "lan si" to him. Don't bother to talk to him.... and after 2 months... when I start working late, I used to eat dinner with Tee and Li Pei... So that night he join us for dinner.... And that's the first time I was talking to him.

The second time was 4 of us, LI Pei, Eric, Ivan and I went to Jusco for dinner at Kim Gary. and from then we started to joke and play around.... Ivan used to bully me a lot... but when I m really upset and needed someone... he was there to help me... i know i am gonna miss him very much...Without him, there is no more fun and jokes around us

Jaya 1 on 13th march

Planning to go lunar bar but there was fully book. Then we decided to go to Jaya 1. YM came to fetch me along with Chee Yan. After me, he went to fetch Chris and JL. On the way to JL's house, Chris giving me lots of hints regarding about JL and YM. He told me that if JL has no intention to be with YM then don't waste anymore time with him. YM wants to get a steady girlfriend as his age getting older days by days... He told me that in this "kind" of relationship there's lots of question marks and end up YM will get hurt and most importantly he is wasting his time...

Having dinner at a Japanese Restaurant and becoming "brother" with 3 of them... Enjoying our meal and chatting happily.

JL & YM (after meet up at jaya 1)

Told to JL about YM need a steady gf and intend to marry after stable with her. After advising her, I knew that she felt sad and cried. If JL really don't like him, what for she sad and cried. I really don't know what I did was right or wrong. I just want them to be good. And don't want people to talk bad about JL. Everyone was thinking that JL is just using YM as a partner for entertainment. I just want JL to be clear of herself... what she want and what people will think of her....

I knew that whhat I've told her will hurt her and will effect our friendship. so from today onwards, I will not interfere with their relationship... And just support her for what decision she makes... cause I just want her to be happy and have no regrets......

healing ministry

Last week on the 16th March to 20th March, my mum's church held a "healing prayer". A group of Korean (about 60 of them) came for ministry. In the beginning, I was very refuse to go to the church. My mum told me that the Koreans can heal my hand with their prayer... Imagine just go to church and sit there to let them pray and you will be heal? I don't really believe lor... my mum so naive. If really can be heal... we don't need doctors and specialist... But anyway... I was force to go on Wednesday...

Had some arguments with my mum due to she force me to let them pray. Imagine... laying down on the mattress and let them pray... I was so refuse... I told her not to force me but she kept on persuading me. and also telling others to persuade me.... I'm so pissed off. finally I surrender... and let them pray... Just after i laid down, my mum came knelt down and telling the pastor and interpreter that I have backslide and also my hand pain... and she cried.... The pastor asked my mum whether she could leave us alone and my mum went away...

The weird thing was the pastor told me that I looks and act happy for everyone but inner me I was depress and lonely... and I will never express my feelings to friends and family... My tears drop out of sudden...

Overall, I went there for 3 days... and saw lots of miracle... and demon posses... The Koreans really a miracle for me.

Today I feel so depress... I really feel that my marriage is meaningless. He always spent time with his pc. Seldom spending time with me. Really feel tired with this kind of marriage. Feel worthless... Really can't tolerate with it....

Spending his time with his pc and tv is part of his life... with me or without me its not a big deal. Cause he will never bother to spend some of his time with me... for this past 6 years, what am I to him? Is it a partner to company him if he needs me?

I don't whom to spill all my pains and loneliness... No one will understands the pains I have right now. JL called in the afternoon. Told her and she said that I am the one who is having problem. Coz I never talk to him nicely. But do she really understand the frustrations that I have? Why I need to control him everyday... Calling him to work, eat and sleep? why do I need to babysit a 33 yrs guy? I really need the strength to carry on with this kind of marriage...

March 6th 2010, Neway and Station 1 in a row... Really did enjoy myself and let all my problems off my head... We supposed to go to temple to pray and 打小人. But after our ktv session, Chris called and asked us to join him at Station 1. Since we still have time, so we went to Station 1 before going to temple.

When we were there, Chris kept on telling us that his Chinese bday was after 12am, and no one celebrating his bday. Feel lonely and bla bla bla.... So JL decided not to go temple and stay there to celebrate his bday... Bought a small piece of cake for him, and expect him to share it with us. But end up he ate the cake all by himself.

After posting up those photos in FB, Alice told us that his real Bday is on May 25th. So its impossible that his chinese bday falls on March... Gosh!!! everyone was being cheated by him...

Yesterday my cousin brother called us to inform us that he and his both sisters will advertise in the newspaper that they will have no link with their father. Meaning even his father will to be sick or dead, its not their problem. They will have no father. My mum was so sad to hear this news. Why is that my uncle need to be so childish? He is the eldest son in the family. No matter how my grandma beg him, he just can't listen to her.

Why can't he let go off that lady? Why he rather choose that lady instead of his family? Is love really that important??? Important than giving away his son, daughter, wife and parents...

JL : What if one day if we were to argue on something, you call me to apologize ok?

WF : Why is me to apologize to you???

JL : Because I won't do such thing. Remember lar... 2 days after you must call me...

WF : Must call ar? Can not sms ar? I dun wan apologize can or not... I geh si ask you something lar..

JL : Can lar... But must you call me first after 2 days... Promise....

WF : OK...Promise....

This conversation was made while we were walking to the cinema yesterday... frankly, I really treasure our friendship right now... If really this happen I will not hesitate to call her EVEN I know I m not in the wrong...

at Pavilion on 28th feb

Suppose this trip to Pavilion was just Mic, Yee En, JL and me but due to JL was late by half an hour, I invited YM to join us. so ended up JL fetch YM. And we fetch Yee En.... I was so pissed off when she was late... She told me she and YM is just friend. But going out with him and forgotten bout me... Frankly, I was bit disappointed.

Anyway, back to Pavilion, when they arrived, JL apologized for her late and blame YM for it... Her apology was accepted. and we really enjoy our photo session and shopping session...We went to Coffee Bean, sat there and chatted for an hour. As usual we always talk non stop... Chat from Heaven To Earth, From sky To Sea... Just non stop talking...

Sadly, our night end at 9 pm. When YM insisted JL to fetch him home. I really don't understand why he insist JL to fetch him. JL didn't manage to watch the KUan Seng Keng's lion dance performance...

Quite shock when I took this pic...I don't how JL feels at that moment...

JL and YM

I admit I was not fully concerntrate on that movie, Solomon Kane. I'm too scared to watch so I look everywhere to divert my attention. Guess what I've saw? JL and YM... was some sort of holding hands... Best Buddy with opposite sex will hold hands?

Then finally the movie ended... Walking through the exit... Guess what? I saw YM's hand on JL shoulder... If both of them were strangers to me, I really thought that both of them are couples. I know its time for me to advice JL already. If things getting deeper, both of them will getting hurt. But if JL really LOVE YM then I will support her to carry on with this relationship. but if I know it won't have any future, then JL should stop meeting YM anymore... So that the misunderstanding won't happen anymore...

Cinema... Cinema... Cinema... Recently, most of my activities were going to cinema for movies... Within 2 weeks, I've went to the TGV for 3 times... Not including Hot Summer Days on this coming Wednesday...

3rd March - Little Big Soldier

5th March - Confucius

9th March - Solomon Kane

Coming Soon on 10th March - Hot Summer Days

Never thought of watching Solomon King. But due to some misunderstand with JL, she came all the way to BKT TINGGI. She thought that I bought Hot Summer Days on today. But the fact was that I bought it on Wednesday. Luckily she called me before she reach.

JL : Hey you got buy the tickets or not??? Y no news from you 1? I wan to go out now. My dad will be back soon

WF : I bought... Where you wan to go??? ( I was thinking, is she going out with YM? Shit her lar... Told me don't want come to Bkt Tinggi. but now going out)

JL : Go out la... My dad is coming back soon....

WF : Go where la? With who???

JL : With you lar.... I go fetch YM now. You wan me to fetch you or not?

WF : You come for wat???

JL : Movie la....

WF : I bought the tickets for Wednesday nite la... Not today....

Both of us laugh like hell.... then ended up watch Solomon Kane...That movie... if I knew the storyline earlier, I will not watch that movie.....Head fly here and there... Blood splash everywhere... Its not my type of movie...

Yesterday went for NCS at UH, PJ... What is NCS? Nerve Conduction Studies.. sitting on the bed with a few wires sticking on my hand and having few electric shocks for at least 15 minutes... really getting me into hell... can't describe the pain and the fear that I've been through. After the test came out nearly half dead. When can this nightmare stop and everything back to normal again. Really miss my life...with my colleagues and friends around me...

Later in the evening, Li wei called me. Recently he and Hwa felt in love with a same girl. He told me he was very angry with Hwa and very upset. I told him that Love is not everything... Is just part of our life... There's lots of girl out there. Don't be sad and stop fighting with Ah hwa because of that girl. Is not worth at all... After what I've been through in the afternoon, I really feel that nothing is more important than health....