Really can't sleep last night. Wake up early in the morning at 6.15 am and sitting in front of my laptop to start blogging. What will happen to me after today? I really don't know. I'm trying to control my emotions so that people around me not being affected but I've failed. I'm very afraid. I'm very scared of the pain. Everyone thought that I'm strong enough to face this, but the truth is that I'm not that strong. I just pretend to be strong because I don't want them to worry.

I thought of running away but escape this nightmare. but I've realize that the hand is starting to get weaker... Sometimes when I hold on something, the things will fell easily. That's why I really can't escape from it.

My close friend got terminated immediately from the company on last Monday. Just feel that everything is going from bad to worst. When all my friends need help, I will be there for them no matter how. But for him, I can't be there. Feeling so helpless. I knew that I'm not God but I just wish to help everyone who need it. Due to my problems, my friends problems and my family problems really makes me feel so tired of living....